Recently, I have found myself in a “trough” in my ideological struggle. My living situation has been rather poor: because I work late shifts, and because I lie down and indulge myself by watching videos or playing AI lover games as soon as I get home, I have had no time to get up and eat breakfast or to study. On the forum, I always avoid or give vague answers when it comes to my own ideological problems, and I have also shown little concern for my fellow comrades. Taken together, these phenomena clearly reflect that my own ideological state has entered a trough.
In the past, whenever this happened, I would think, “What terrible luck,” or “Damn it,” or “If only that thing had never happened” — meaning the thing that made me realize I had entered a trough. Then I would simply wait for the “trough” to pass, timidly wishing for the moon and stars and hoping that it would all be “over soon.” As a result, I have made little progress over the years, and I have always faced difficulties and challenges with a negative attitude or hidden away from them.
However, after a long period of everyone leading by example
What is this?
This kind of thing is basically AI sexting.
Not exactly; it varies from person to person.
Although the specific content does vary from person to person, the common thread is that the people who use these AI tools have highly pronounced sexual thoughts. Ninety-nine percent of the various character templates users upload to the software depict scenes in which the characters are having or about to have sex.
I play the kind where the character loves and cares about me—something like a yandere—but I don’t play the more explicit stuff very often. I saw people on Xiaohongshu saying that DeepSeek was better, so that’s what I use. The communities around it also don’t seem to have much to do with sex.
How could it have nothing to do with it? Aren’t these personality traits themselves also meant to serve pornography and sex? Setting up this kind of content in AI software isn’t easy. Unless someone’s pornographic thoughts are sufficiently extreme, they wouldn’t have much motivation to do such a thing in the first place.
Besides, AI doesn’t automatically generate much new content. The specific plot progresses according to the user’s instructions. Without sexual content, it’s basically just playing make-believe, and it would be difficult for someone to stay engrossed in it for long.
The day after tomorrow, I’m going home to get some daily necessities. For example, cotton-padded clothes, cotton quilts, and some out-of-season clothes, since it will probably get cold soon. Then I’ll bring back some other things as well.
I’ve been thinking that, since I’m living alone now, my personal needs in daily life are becoming increasingly well provided for—of course, these are just the normal needs of an ordinary person; I don’t have any other lewd or hedonistic things at home. But I feel that as my personal life gradually becomes richer, I’m also becoming increasingly accustomed to living on my own. For example, as soon as I get back, I like to turn on the electric fan and watch short videos, then cook and eat while watching the reading group, and afterward watch videos or study theory by myself. It all depends entirely on me, with no one imposing any restrictions. This has caused me to become disconnected from collective life.
A contradiction has now emerged: the parasitic little nest of the past—university life—has disappeared, but a new little nest, in which I live on my own and do whatever I please instead of parasitically depending on others, has emerged. I don’t know what to do for the time being, but I really do need those daily necessities. I don’t know what to do at the moment, and I’m wondering whether comrades have any suggestions.
Another thing worth mentioning is watching porn and masturbating. I’ve found that although I’ve criticized this again and again, I still keep doing it. Although I don’t really approve of it verbally, I’ve never been able to quit. Is it because I’ve never shaken some underlying thing, or because my criticism hasn’t been thorough enough?
On the one hand, pornographic ideas have not been subjected to in-depth criticism; on the other hand, this individualistic way of life—living freely and indulging in sexual pleasure whenever one wants—has not changed either. As a result, people will not truly develop a deep understanding of the reactionary nature of pornography, nor will they persist in struggling against such things. Personally, I want to watch porn and masturbate because I am becoming increasingly comfortable living a selfish and narrow-minded life, and so, in pursuit of greater stimulation, I end up wanting to watch porn and masturbate.